


Shady Practices

by teacup_pup



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Age Play, Age Regression, Alternate Universe, Detective Reyes, Drug Use, M/M, Multi, Orphan Jesse, Other, Possible pedophilia, Sex Work, littlespace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 23:20:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17887043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teacup_pup/pseuds/teacup_pup
Summary: It's gross and I'm not sorry. There will be Shimadacest later on, amongst many other dark themes. This is not meant to be a happy story.





	1. Chapter 1

Working in a desert city was rough. The crime rates were as high as the temperature, vultures ate bodies deposited out in the wastelands before they could be identified, and a particularly notorious gang ran countless illegal operations through the sand-swept alleys of downtown. Detective Gabriel Reyes was nearing his last day of work on the force, spending most of his time in the office signing finalizing documents and packing up his desk. He didn’t have anyone to go home to but he felt his best years had passed, and he would be better off spending his time doing whatever the hell he wanted as long as it was inside somewhere with air conditioning.

 

Reyes was finishing up a personal inventory report when he overheard a conversation a few desks over about the gang’s recent activity. They had gone beyond just drug running and prostitution, they were starting to kidnap children for god knows what. Most rumors said the kids were sold to pedophiles or rich people who wanted barely-paid labor they could disguise as their children. He glared at his desk as he listened, hand balled into a fist and pressed against the wooden surface.

 

The conversation got more detailed, mentioning recent locations that the gang had been targeting to pick up children. One was a seedy club on the outskirts of town where neglectful parents tended to leave their kids waiting outside while they spent what little money the state provided every month on alcohol and lap dances. His disgust grew as he slowly stood, ready to spend his last day on a stakeout to catch at least one of these gang members.

 

On his way out, Reyes was stopped by another detective he had worked with before, Jack Morrison. Jack could tell by the look in Gabriel’s eyes that he was planning something, and tried to warn against it.

 

“It’s your last day, Reyes. Stay here, finish your paperwork. Someone else can handle this.”

 

Reyes just glared at him and pushed past, marching out to his car. He would have to take his personal car to avoid raising suspicion but he didn’t care. The whole drive there, he planned out how to approach this. Parking in the usual lot, hiding his badge, getting a table in a shadowy corner so he could see the whole main room without drawing much attention. He would be on the lookout for anyone who looked too young to be there, for anyone who seemed anxious or disinterested like they were just waiting for something. 

 

When he got to the parking lot, Gabriel sighed and leaned back in his seat. Was he ready to do this? As a detective, he hadn’t had to actively do something like this in a while. He followed clues, put pieces together, and other cops went out to do the dirty work. But he still knew how to use the gun strapped to his hip and he had a burning drive to wipe out the Deadlock Gang that had fueled him through his entire career. He had taken down a few members over the years, but he was never satisfied. Grabbing another on his last day was the best way he could think of to wrap up 40-odd years on the force.

 

With a sigh, he got out of his car and blinked in the bright sunlight. The heat coming up from the blacktop parking lot made it feel like his shoes were melting as he walked to the side entrance. An angry-looking bouncer gave him a once-over before pushing the door open and stepping aside. Gabriel nodded to him and walked in, immediately greeted by darkness and air conditioning and low thrumming music.

 

A bar was along the wall to his left, a few people sitting there and watching the dancers on stage. A bored bartender refilled drinks every now and then but paid more attention to his phone. A large stage took up the middle of the room with multiple metal poles that glimmered under the multi-color stage lights as the dancers spun around them, both men and women showing off for the crowd. Round tables with a few chairs around each spread out across the rest of the floor space, leading Gabriel’s eyes to unassuming doors that probably lead to private rooms.

 

After taking it all in, he ordered a glass of whiskey and headed to a more secluded table to start his watch. He didn’t mind being a little indulgent as his eyes traveled to the dancers on stage, gaze slowly wandering over their lithe forms. The women were flashy and beautiful while the men ranged from small and sweet to muscled and confident. Gabriel appreciated all of them.

 

He watched two rotations of dancers and was about to get up to order another drink when he saw some activity across the room. People were coming in from another door, looking skinny and rough and dirty like they lived out in the desert, scanning the room before making a beeline for a man sitting a little too rigidly in his seat. Now he had them.

 

The group talked for a moment before heading out again, the nervous man following them. Gabriel tagged along far enough behind to not arouse suspicion, slipping out the same door he came in from and keeping a sharp eye on the gang. He didn’t have to follow them far, just around to the back of the building in a dirty alley. Another gang member was there holding onto a kid who looked around ten years old, his hair a mess and face covered in dust and dirt.

 

Gabriel risked walking close enough to hear the conversation, barely holding back a growl at how excited the nervous man sounded. He thought to himself for a moment, thinking how there were only four gang members. He could take them out pretty quickly, and the man would probably go running but he had enough to give a sketch artist a good idea of what he looked like so the force could search for him later. This kid was not going to be taken away.

 

As the conversation reached the topic of payment, Gabriel stepped away from the dumpster he was hiding behind, raising his gun to nail the guy holding the kid right between his eyes. He fell with a thud as the kid screamed and the other three turned to face him. They swore and reached for their weapons as the man ran off just like Gabriel predicted, but they couldn’t draw fast enough to save themselves. He shot each of them once, making them fall to the ground as red spots bloomed across their chests. They might not be dead yet but they would be soon enough.

 

Gabriel slid his gun back into his holster before kneeling down and holding his hand out towards the kid who was crouched down and sobbing so hard his shoulders were shaking. He wasn’t used to being gentle but something about this kid really pulled at his heartstrings, making his anger slowly drain away.

 

“Hey, it’s alright, you’re safe now,” he said, voice a little gruff from age but tone still soft. “I’m a cop, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

 

The kid slowly looked up, tear tracks clear where they cut through the grime on his cheeks. His hands were shaking as he slowly reached out to Gabriel, looking desperate for a reassurance of safety. Feeling soft, Gabriel scooped the kid up in his arms before standing and walking out of the alley. He had to take this kid back to the station to get checked out, so the right people could start looking for his family. They probably didn’t care about him at all, but the family had a legal claim so Gabriel couldn’t keep him, even if he wanted to.

 

Reyes didn’t realize how much he missed physical contact until the kid squeezed him in a tight hug, practically clinging to him. He was sure that if he let go, the kid would stay in place with his arms around his neck and legs around his waist. It was cute, it made Gabriel feel fatherly. Back at his car, Gabriel set the kid down so he could unlock the door, opening the front passenger side for him. He climbed in and curled up on the seat, looking so tiny and helpless. 

 

Swearing to himself as he shut the door, Reyes shook his head. He knew he was going to end up too involved here. But he couldn’t help it. The kid so clearly needed someone and he didn’t seem like he had a decent family to return to anyway. Maybe he’d be better off taking the kid home first, letting him wash off before giving him some food. He probably needed time to calm down before facing more police officers.

 

“So,” Gabriel started as he slid into the driver seat, “what’s your name, kid?”

 

He didn’t expect an answer as he pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards his house. The kid looked so shell-shocked and lost, he probably wouldn’t speak for a while. Gabriel had dealt with non-verbal victims before but it was always best to put some easy questions out there anyway, try to keep them grounded in reality instead of lost in their heads.

 

“Jesse,” the kid whispered in a small voice that matched his stature.

 

Jesse, how cute. Gabriel nodded to himself as he drove, squinting against the glare of the road. He’d get Jesse clean and fed before heading back to the station. From there, he’d either be sent back to his family or placed in foster care, no longer Gabriel’s problem. He wasn’t cut out for parenthood anyway, keeping the kid wouldn’t work out well for either of them.

 

“I’m Gabriel. How old are you, Jesse?” Getting all the information he could out of the kid before taking him to the police station would help everything go smoother. He didn’t want to risk Jesse clamming up and not answering any questions later.

 

“Eleven,” he responded in the same small voice.

 

Gabriel sighed at his answer. Eleven and already he had almost been sold into sexual slavery and witnessed four deaths. And who knew what else he saw before Gabriel found him. This kid would have issues for the rest of his life, but less than if he was never found. That fact didn’t soothe Gabriel as much as he hoped it would.

 

“I’m taking you to my house for a shower and some food, then we’ll head to the police station and find your family. Does that sound alright?”

 

Coasting on past training wasn’t going to last long in this situation, but it was all Gabriel had. Calm tone, always explain what you’re doing, gentle contact if necessary. But most of that was for adults, who he already had enough trouble getting along with. Kids were a whole different story, one much harder for Gabriel to read.

 

But thankfully Jesse just nodded silently and took to looking out the window as the city slowly changed to suburbia, apartment buildings and dark alleys giving way to trees and driveways. Jesse seemed to relax a little as they got farther from the city and Gabriel followed suit. Maybe the kid wasn’t too badly off after all that, maybe he just needed a few days to process it all and he’ll bounce back. Kids were remarkably resilient from what he had seen.

 

Jesse hopped out of the car almost before Gabriel had parked in his driveway, door slamming shut as his car settled into place. He muttered to himself about the kid being a little too eager as he stepped out too, nodding towards the front door for Jesse to follow. The kid tagged along silently, looking around with wide eyes like Gabriel’s simple two-bedroom house was a mansion to him.  _ Where was this kid from? _ Gabriel thought to himself.

 

The inside of Gabriel’s house wasn’t overly decorated. He didn’t have anyone to impress nor a sense of style beyond monochrome, but he did have a few family photos hung on the walls and a space for all his medals and awards he accumulated over four decades. Plain white walls and dark hardwood floors were constant through the house, modern and simple and plain.

 

Jesse still didn’t speak, just looking around and following easily as Gabriel led him to the bathroom. It had a shower/tub combo so Jesse could clean himself however he wanted. After pointing out all the soaps and hanging a new towel, Gabriel left for the kitchen so he could throw together a lunch for both of them. His fridge was mostly full of beer and leftover pizza but he found some pizza rolls in the freezer and decided to make the whole bag.

 

By the time Gabriel had a plate piled high with extremely hot pizza rolls, he decided to check on Jesse. He didn’t hear any water running so maybe he decided on a bath, but he figured it would be best to make sure. A kid having a panic attack or even drowning in his bathroom wasn’t something he wanted to deal with on his last day.

 

Gabriel knocked before opening the door, only to find Jesse still fully dressed and staring at the tub. His shoulders were shaking, and Gabriel could only assume he was crying again. With a sigh, he kneeled down and reached out to gently rub Jesse’s back for just a moment before the kid turned around and fell against his chest, sobbing into his shirt. He was shocked for a moment before slowly wrapping his arms around Jesse’s small frame and holding him close as he cried himself out.

 

It took almost ten minute for the tears to stop falling, and a few minutes more for his breathing to even out. By then, Gabriel had shifted to sit on the floor leaning against the wall with Jesse curled up on his lap still clinging to his shirt. When Jesse was calm again, he slowly sat up and looked at Gabriel with red watery eyes, bottom lip still trembling a little.

 

“Can you stay?”

 

He sounded even more scared than in the car and Gabriel was helpless. With a nod, he carefully stood and set Jesse on his feet again, moving to lean against the counter so the kid had space to undress. He pointedly looked away as he pulled his shirt off, mostly so Jesse wouldn’t feel his gaze and get nervous again, but he spared a glance as Jesse fiddled with the shower controls. 

 

Old and new bruises darkened the kid’s skin across his back, some wrapping around his ribs. Flicking his gaze up to Jesse’s face, Gabriel saw him wince as he leaned over the edge of the tub. He assumed it was because there were more bruises around his front that he couldn’t see. The idea of someone beating this kid, as small and defenseless as he was, made Gabriel angry again. Who would ever want to hurt him?

 

When Gabriel finally pulled his attention away from the bruises, he realized Jesse was filling the tub for a bath. He didn’t have any bubble bath but he figured he could squeeze some body wash in to make the water bubbly if Jesse wanted. But for now the kid looked content to sit in the bath with his eyes closed, arms floating in the hot water. Gabriel almost smiled at the sight. It was nice to see Jesse relaxed, Gabriel was glad he felt safe enough to relax like this.

 

Gabriel moved to sit on the floor next to the tub and his movement made Jesse open his eyes, looking over like he was making sure the older man wasn’t leaving. He moved to rest his chin on the edge of the tub, most of his body under the water except for his shoulders.

 

“You want some bubbles?” Gabriel asked as he reached for the bottle of body wash. It wouldn't smell like much but maybe the bubbles would help Jesse feel a little better.

 

“Yes, please,” Jesse murmured, surprisingly polite. 

 

Pouring the soap in with one hand, Gabriel reached in with his other to swirl the water around and get the bubbles forming. To his delight, Jesse smiled and ran his hands through the bubbles, scooping up a handful and blowing at it to make bubbles float through the air. His tinkling giggle made Gabriel smile too, inspiring him to scoop up his own handful and wipe it onto Jesse’s head.

 

Jesse made a face and shook his head, making more bubbles fly around. Gabriel let him play in the soapy water for a while before reaching for a washcloth, wanting to wipe the grime off his face. He dunked the soft cloth into the water and rung it out before holding his hand up near Jesse’s face, pausing when he flinched away.

 

“I just want to clean your face. Can I do that?”

 

There was a moment of hesitation when Gabriel thought Jesse would say no, but eventually the kid nodded and closed his eyes again. Gabriel kept his touch gentle, wiping the cloth slowly across Jesse’s face to clean off the dirt and sand. Under the mess, his skin was soft and rosey and he looked even younger with it all washed away. When his face was cleaned, Jesse opened his eyes again to look up at Gabriel, the picture of innocence.

 

Gabriel vowed to himself that he would make sure this kid found a good home. It couldn’t be with him, but it would be with a family that would love and cherish him as he deserved. As he continued to wash over the rest of Jesse, he was careful to keep his touch light over the bruises, biting back the urge to ask about them. He didn’t want Jesse crying again.

 

Jesse stood at Gabriel’s urging so he could swipe the cloth down his back, ribs and spine too obvious, down his pert little ass, down his skinny legs. He paused and handed Jesse the cloth before he touched somewhere that could upset him, leaning away to let the kid finish cleaning himself. A moment later, Jesse was all clean and dropped into the bubbly water again just to splash around.

 

“Come on, kid. Lunch is getting cold. You gotta rinse off then we can eat.”

 

Giving Gabriel a pouting expression, Jesse lowered himself further under the water until only his head was above the bubbles. He wanted to hide in the warm bubbles for hours, not face the rest of the world again. It was  _ safe _ here, in the tub, in Gabriel’s house. Gabriel could keep him safe, he didn’t want to go to the police station for them to find him another family.

 

Gabriel returned the pout with a stern look that had Jesse blushing and standing up quickly, soapy water running down his thin form. He looked away quickly to pull the plug so the tub could drain before grabbing the detachable shower head. Why the fuck did this kid affect him so much? What was so special about this skinny little orphan? Gabriel had no idea, he just had to be careful as he rinsed Jesse down, making sure his eyes didn’t follow the water’s path down his body, making sure he didn’t lick his lips as he looked over the kid’s clean naked body.

 

_ Fuck. _

 

He quickly shut off the water and grabbed the fresh towel, wrapping it around Jesse before stepping away from the tub. Surely the kid knew how to dry himself off. But now there was the matter of clothes. Jesse’s were filthy, covered in what was probably days of dust and dirt just like his face was. He looked back over at the kid, struggling with the large towel as he tried to rub it over his head to dry his hair. What a ridiculous sight, adorable and something else that tugged at Gabriel’s chest.

 

“I’m gonna check my room for clothes you can wear. Stay here.”

 

Jesse’s response was muffled by the towel as Gabriel walked off to his room, needing to take a breather. What he wouldn’t give to keep the kid even though he probably wasn’t the most fitting guardian. Honestly, it would be best for Jesse to go into foster care. Gabriel was planning on moving away anyway, he already had an apartment lined up in another state that would be ready for him to move into in just a week. Out of sight, out of mind. Hopefully.

 

After rifling through his drawers and closet for a while, Gabriel found some clothes from his sister that he was supposed to donate to his station’s clothes drive last winter. Her kids had outgrown it all but some of it could fit Jesse. He pulled out a pair of jeans, a plain shirt, some socks, and, by some stroke of luck or because his sister was a cleaning goddess and could take the stains and bacteria out of anything, a pair of underwear that would probably stay on the skinny kid’s hips.

 

Gabriel took his time walking back to the bathroom, knocking on the door again before stepping in. Thankfully Jesse still had the towel wrapped around him, so he set the clothes down on the counter and told Jesse he’d be in the kitchen before closing the door. Leaning back against the door, Gabriel rubbed his hands over his face as he sighed. He needed to get himself under control here.

 

When Jesse found Gabriel at the kitchen counter with a reheated plate of pizza rolls, he still looked too small for the clothes he had on.  _ Jesus Christ, how tiny was this kid? _ Gabriel asked himself as he climbed up onto a stool and grabbed a pizza roll eagerly. He watched Jesse eat for a moment before grabbing a glass of water for him and leaning back, letting the kid eat as much as he wanted. Jesse was silent as he ate, pizza sauce smearing across his mouth and cheeks and greasy fingerprints smearing his water glass every time he took a sip.

 

To Gabriel’s surprise, Jesse made it almost halfway through the pile before he gave up and slouched over the countertop. Gabriel chuckled and ruffled Jesse’s hair before grabbing a few rolls for himself. He wasn’t really hungry but he hadn’t eaten anything that day besides a cup of coffee and some aspirin that morning.

 

“Come on,” Gabriel said after he had his few rolls. “Gotta get you to the station before Ana and Angela go home. Ana is gonna find you a place to stay and Angela is gonna check you out, make sure you’re healthy. They’re both very nice, you’ll like them.”

 

Jesse peeked up, looking nervous again. Gabriel was honestly surprised at how quickly Jesse took to him so he hoped the kid would trust his judgement and not put up too much of a fight about going to the station. He reached over to rest a hand on Jesse’s shoulder, smiling as reassuringly as he could.

 

“It’ll be okay, kid. I’ll be there the whole time.”

 

That was enough to convince Jesse, who slid down off the stool and shuffled around to the counter to nudge against Gabriel’s side. He smiled and leaned down to hug Jesse, his arms wrapping all the way around the kid so easily. Jesse felt  _ tiny _ in his hold as he squeezed him tighter. He wondered if the kid would sprout like a beanstalk when he hit puberty or just stay on the small side for the rest of his life. Gabriel selfishly hoped he’d stay small.

 

Jesse finally stepped back and nodded, looking determined now.

 

“Okay. We can go now,” he said, sounding too grown-up.

 

Gabriel faintly wondered if Jesse was used to being bounced around and that was why he was so hesitant to leave. Was he essentially a ward of the state, never staying in one place for long? He hoped that wasn’t the case. But it was hard to get a read on the kid, especially given that day’s events. He would just have to trust Ana to find him a permanent home with a family that would treat him well.

 

But instead of asking, Gabriel just took Jesse’s hand and lead him out the door. The car ride back was just as silent as the trip earlier but this time Jesse got more anxious as it went. He shifted in his seat and tugged at the seatbelt, keeping his gaze down to avoid seeing the neighborhood morph to downtown. Gabriel felt bad and almost turned around multiple times but eventually he pulled into the station parking lot.

 

When he was parked, Gabriel turned to look at Jesse who was practically curled up on the seat like he was trying to hide from the world outside the car. It took all of Gabriel’s willpower to not just drive back home at the sight, but he knew this was the best choice for Jesse. He had lived alone for over thirty years, there was no way he could figure out how to be a proper guardian for Jesse and offer the support he needed.

 

Gabriel got out and walked over to the side Jesse was on, opening the door and holding out his hand.

 

“Come on. It isn’t so bad in there,” he murmured softly, trying to sound gentle and supportive.

 

He watched Jesse take a deep breath before sliding out of the car and grabbing hold of Gabriel’s hand tightly with both of his. Gabriel couldn’t help his affectionate smile as he headed to the front door, hoping a friendly greeting from the new recruit Lena, who usually sat near the front door working on paperwork, would help Jesse feel a little better.

 

Inside the station was relatively calm, no new busts made besides what Gabriel had done earlier. Apparently nobody called it in yet because nobody shot him a dirty look as he greeted Lena and headed to the Child Services corner. Angela’s office was tucked away back there and Ana’s was right next door. Gabriel knocked on both doors, glad both women answered almost immediately.

 

Angela grinned when she saw Jesse, immediately assuming her “friendly doctor” persona to hide how jaded she had become after years of seeing so many abused children. She crouched down by the kid and held out her hand.

 

“Hello there, little one. I’m Angela, what’s your name?”

 

Jesse ducked behind Gabriel a little, looking up at him for reassurance. Gabriel nodded towards the friendly blonde to tell Jesse she was safe, urging him to step forward again. He pulled a hand away from Gabriel’s to shake Angela’s then quickly held onto the older man again.

 

“I’m Jesse. I’m eleven.”

 

Angela nodded and stood again, gesturing back towards her office with light pastel walls and a booklet of stickers hanging by the door.

 

“Thank you, Jesse. Would you mind coming into my office so I can check you out, make sure everything is is a-okay?”

 

Jesse’s grip on Gabriel tightened as he looked up again, worried that Gabriel would leave him alone in the room with a stranger. He shot Ana an apologetic look before scooping Jesse up in his arms and walking into Angela’s office.

 

“I’ll be right over here when you’re ready, Gabriel,” Ana said as she ducked into her office again, setting right to work looking for families who would take in an eleven year old boy.

 

In Angela's office, Gabriel sat on the paper-covered bed with Jesse on his lap as Angela started up a new profile for the kid on her computer.

 

“So, Jesse, can you tell me your birthday?”

 

Jesse shifted on Gabriel’s lap to face Angela, looking over her like he was still deciding if she was trustworthy. Both she and Gabriel were patient, much to Jesse’s relief, but he still worried about upsetting them with his hesitance. Most people in his past were easily annoyed by his caution, which only grew with each bruise they gave him.

 

“Um, June twenty-first,” he finally answered in a soft voice.

 

Angela continued questioning him like that, allowing Jesse to take his time and sometimes try to hide away in Gabriel’s arms if she asked a question that made him too anxious. Gabriel held him close to his chest and murmured reassurances into his surprisingly soft hair as Jesse stuttered his way through the questionnaire that Angela promptly sent off to Ana when it was complete.

 

“Good job, Jesse! Thank you for all your answers. Now, can I put my hands on you? I need to check your vitals.”

 

Angela was as sweet as ever when interacting with Jesse, helping him relax. Gabriel breathed his own sigh of relief when he felt Jesse physically relax instead of sitting so tensely on his lap. He nodded his consent for Angela to run her check-up on him, sitting up in Gabriel’s lap instead of staying curled into the man’s hold.

 

She smiled at him and kept her touch gentle as she counted his heart rate, measured his blood pressure, and made a few other quick checks. Jesse stayed calm the whole time, not smiling but not panicking either. Gabriel kept up a string of what he realized was praise, telling Jesse he was so brave, so patient, so sweet. Angela flashed a knowing smile at Gabriel as she worked, making him blush and rest his chin on Jesse’s shoulder.

 

Gabriel knew he was being exceptionally soft, something unusual for him, but he couldn’t help it. The kid made him like this, but he didn’t hate it; it actually seemed like a nice change from his typical surely attitude and always feeling upset about something.

 

“Alright,” Angela chirped as she typed a few more things into her computer, “we’re all set! You can go see Ana next door whenever you’re ready. And Jesse, would you like a sticker and a lollipop? You can have both for being so well-behaved.”

 

Jesse perked up at the mention of candy and nodded eagerly. Angela handed him her pad of stickers to choose from as she dug the bag of lollipops out of her desk to hand to Gabriel. He snuck his own blue raspberry lollipop before holding it out for Jesse who settled on a shooting star sticker that he had proudly displayed on his shirt. Gabriel smiled as Jesse fished out a cherry lollipop, immediately pulling off the wrapper and popping it into his mouth.

 

Giving his thanks to Angela, Gabriel slid off the bed with Jesse still in his arms and headed over to Ana’s. He peeked in and saw her hard at work, hands flying across her keyboard and eyes narrowed at the screen. She looked so intensely concentrated that Gabriel was nervous about interrupting her but she soon paused and looked up, a grin spreading across her face.

 

“Gabriel and Jesse! How was the checkup, is everything okay?” Her accent was heavy but elegant, inviting friendly conversation.

 

“Everything is just fine, Miss Ana. Jesse is perfectly healthy, if a little underfed. But he doesn’t have any health problems for a family to worry about,” Gabriel answered as he sat down.

 

Jesse stayed on Gabriel’s lap again instead of moving to the other available chair, sucking happily on his lollipop. Gabriel looked down to smile at him but had to quickly look away, slightly shocked by the sight of Jesse’s cherry-red lips wrapped around the lollipop.

 

“Excellent. I have a few families in mind already, but Jesse will have to stay at the midway home down the street for a few days until they can come see him.”

 

Ana kept her tone professional yet light, telling the two what had to happen in the nicest way she could. But despite her best efforts, Jesse still tensed up and gripped onto Gabriel’s arm, fingers digging into him. He must’ve looked panicked because Ana sighed softly and leaned forward, smiling kindly at him.

 

“Gabriel can still visit every day if you’d like, little one. But he cannot keep you.”

 

Gabriel rubbed Jesse’s back in lieu of an apology. He wasn’t good with words, especially in emotionally-charged situations like this. All he could do was hold Jesse close and stay calm to hopefully calm the kid down too. Thankfully, Jesse nodded and loosened his grip on Gabriel’s arm before looking up at him.

 

“Will you visit, Gabriel?”

 

Jesse sounded so nervous and hopeful, like he wouldn’t be able to manage those few days on his own. The kid had practically imprinted on him in the few hours they had known each other, making everything significantly more difficult. But Gabriel figured he could indulge Jesse, just for a few days. 

 

“Of course, Jess,” he said with a nod and another attempt at a smile.

 

It felt like all the anxiety drained out of Jesse when Gabriel called him that nickname, a grin lighting up his face with an intensity he hadn’t seen yet. Jesse expressed his gratitude like most kids did, leaning up and pressing a kiss to Gabriel’s cheek, his sugary lips sticking to Gabriel’s skin for just a moment as he leaned away again. Gabriel couldn’t help his blush, his ear ringing with the sticky-wet sound of the kid’s lips against him as Jesse settled on his lap again and flashed his grin at Ana who returned a smile of her own.

 

Gabriel was still a little shocked when Ana smirked at him, amused by his reaction. She was one of the few he considered a friend so she knew he hadn’t had much affection of any kind in his life for years and an extremely-attached kid was probably a bit overwhelming. He mentally swore and shook his head to clear his thoughts. She had no idea how difficult this was.

 

“The house and families are contacted so we can head over whenever you two are ready,” Ana informed them as she stood up, gathering a few papers into a folder.

 

The two stayed in their chair for a moment, Gabriel giving Jesse a moment to think over everything. Gabriel supposed Ana already found out Jesse didn’t have a family to go back to, either that or his family was abusive and he would’ve been removed from there anyway. He hated to think how difficult this poor kid’s life must’ve been in just the few short years he had been alive- abusive or otherwise absent family, kidnapped, abused by his kidnappers, almost sold into sexual slavery, witnessing four deaths. 

 

As much as Gabriel wanted to hug Jesse forever just to make sure the kid stayed safe, he knew he had to drop Jesse off at the midway home so he could be properly adopted by a more suitable family. All he could really do was be there for Jesse until then and pray the family that adopted him was as supportive and loving as possible.

 

After a few minutes, Gabriel slowly stood with Jesse still in his arms, clinging to him tighter than ever. He knew Jesse didn’t want to be left alone or adopted by anyone else but neither of them really had a choice. Angela came over to say goodbye at the door, ruffling Jesse’s hair and wishing him luck. Jesse just nodded silently and rested his head on Gabriel’s shoulder, lollipop gone and red mouth tugged down in a small frown.

 

Ana told Gabriel to take his own car so he could stay after she left for the station to wrap up some other paperwork regarding Jesse. Jesse seemed relieved to be in Gabriel’s car again, sitting cross-legged and holding onto the seatbelt strap that went across his chest. Gabriel sat in the driver seat for a while, gripping the steering wheel and staring out the window at the plain adobe facade of the station, his mind racing.

 

This was supposed to be a simple last day of work, filled with nothing more than final signatures on documents stating the end of his career. Instead, it became a whirlwind of a stakeout, four murders, and ending up with a kid who had grown too attached too soon. And he was too, wasn’t he? He wanted to keep Jesse, wanted to feed him pizza rolls and lollipops and hold him close and let him feel safe. He couldn’t do that if Jesse went with another family but he knew, logically, that letting Jesse go was the best choice. And Gabriel wasn’t one to let his emotions cloud his judgement like this.

 

The short drive to the midway house was silent, Jesse looking down and Gabriel stealing glances over to him whenever he could. He could feel Jesse getting anxious again. Jesse was too young to feel so much anxiety and Gabriel’s heart ached for him. He hoped he could make this whole process as easy as possible for Jesse.

 

Ana was waiting for them on a bench by the door when they finally stepped out of the car, Jesse immediately grabbing hold of Gabriel’s hand as they walked up. Jesse’s hands were shaking so Gabriel squeezed them gently as he lead him inside with Ana. She walked right up to the front desk and introduced herself as Ana Amari, Head of Child Services for the local police precinct. People tended to take her more seriously when she used her full title.

 

Gabriel hung back with Jesse, looking around the building. He had been here before as the police contact for more difficult cases and felt pretty good about dropping children off here. The staff was friendly, the building was clean, the bedrooms were comfortable, the restrooms were in good repair, the kitchen was always fully stocked. Jesse should be fine here for a few days before being picked up.

 

Feeling a tug on his arm, Gabriel looked down and saw Jesse looking at him with wide eyes. He tugged again and reached up on his tiptoes, cupping a hand by his mouth like he wanted to tell a secret. Gabriel chuckled softly and crouched down to Jesse’s height so he could hear it.

 

“Gabby,” he whispered, warm breath ghosting against Gabriel’s ear and almost making him shiver, “the lady in the corner scares me.”

 

Gabriel barely had any time to process that Jesse had called him “Gabby”, less to think about how he thought the kid said “daddy”, and  _ even less _ to think about just how much that affected him. He stayed crouched down with a hand on Jesse’s lower back, pretending it was a sign of support and trying to ignore just how damn tiny the kid felt. Jesse was doing ridiculous things to him and didn’t even know. It was a cruel fate.

 

But he managed to pull his thoughts out of the dark, dangerous gutter they almost tumbled into and scanned the room for the woman Jesse mentioned. He noticed her standing in the farthest corner, tall and slender, dressed in a long white lab coat and holding a clipboard. Her vibrant orange hair was cut short and styled severely, her eyes were different colors and scanned the room sharply. Even Gabriel felt put-off by her.

 

“I think she’s the new doctor here, Jess. But Angela checked you out so you shouldn’t have to deal with her while you’re here, don’t worry.”

 

Jesse kept his tight hold on Gabriel’s arms as Ana wrapped up her conversation at the front desk. When Ana headed over to them again, Jesse reached his arms up like he wanted to be held again making Ana laugh and Gabriel smile as he scooped Jesse up. Jesse wrapped his legs around Gabriel’s waist and his arms around the man’s neck, looking at Ana as apprehensively as a child could.

 

“He’s all checked in now. I saw he didn’t have anything to unpack so one of the housekeepers is going to bring a few changes of clothes to his room later. We can give you a tour and show you to your room if you’d like, Jesse,” Ana reported as she approached them.

 

Having gone silent again, Jesse kept his head down on Gabriel’s shoulder and relied on the man to speak for him. Gabriel rubbed his back slowly and nodded for Ana to lead the way. He knew his way around the building too but he wanted Ana to stay for this in case Jesse got overwhelmed.

 

Ana lead them through the building, pointing out different rooms to Jesse. Gabriel made sure Jesse paid attention instead of hiding, repeating some of the things Ana said when he looked confused. The room he would be staying was plain but cozy enough, holding a dresser with clothes already stacked on it, a half-full bookshelf, and a bed with clean blue sheets.

 

“Your own room, Jess. Nobody trying to talk to you, nobody to share your space with. Is that okay?”

 

Gabriel checked in with Jesse in almost every room they stopped at, making sure he was processing it all. But like with every time before, Jesse just mutely nodded and tightened his hold on Gabriel. He shot a pleading look to Ana, silently begging for her help. They both noticed that Jesse sunk further in on himself as the tour went on.

 

Ana frowned slightly so Gabriel crouched down to set Jesse on the floor to stand on his own, gently framing the kid’s face with his hands so Jesse had to face him. Jesse’s eyes were sad, nervous, distant. Gabriel had no idea how to help him.

 

“Jesse, talk to me. What’s going on?”

 

Gabriel kept his voice soft, letting his concern show. Jesse’s eyes focused a little as he looked at Gabriel, gaze traveling over the man’s face like he was trying to memorize every detail. Was Jesse going to kick Gabriel out, say goodbye, that he never wants to see him again? The kid looked ready to make a life-changing decision at eleven years old.

 

“Why can’t I stay with you, Gabby?”

 

That damn nickname again. But this time, it nearly broke Gabriel’s heart. He just shook his head and hugged Jesse close, squeezing the impossibly small kid against his chest. Jesse hugged back as tightly as he could, skinny arms wrapping around Gabriel’s neck as his shoulders started shaking. He was crying again.

 

Ana kneeled down and gently shushed Jesse as she rubbed his back, murmuring her own reassurances about the future. Jesse would be safe here and well taken care of by his new family. They were so eager to meet him, so ready to love him. None of it helped. Jesse sobbed against Gabriel’s shoulder and clung tightly.

 

Both the adults had seen this before, but had never experienced it themselves. Orphaned children sometimes imprinted on the first adult they saw, clinging to them as a beacon of safety. Gabriel knew how hard it was for all those officers to let the child go, but it didn’t prepare him for this. It really did only take a few hours for Jesse to feel like his own kid.

 

“You know why, Jess,” Gabriel finally mumbled against Jesse’s hair, still smelling like his own shampoo, still smelling like  _ his _ .

 

Jesse sniffled, his tears abating, but still held on tightly to Gabriel. He probably thought this was the last hug they’d get before he was sent off for a new family, like Gabriel was abandoning him. What could the man do to help? Nothing. Jesse wasn’t really his.

 

“I’ll still visit you every day until your new family comes. And I can leave my new address with you in case you want to send me a letter. How does that sound?”

 

To Gabriel’s relief, Jesse perked up finally and looked at him curiously, almost smiling despite the tear tracks on his cheeks.

 

“Really? We can still talk?”

 

He sounded so hopeful, like this was the solution he had been waiting for. Gabriel smiled and Jesse mirrored it, standing a little straighter.

 

“Of course, little one. We can talk to your heart’s content. I want to know everything, how you’re settling in, what the family is like, whether they have any pets. You’ll tell me, right? Won’t leave old Gabriel in the dark?”

 

Jesse let out a little laugh that warmed Gabriel’s heart, his smile growing to a grin as he looked at Gabriel. Gabriel felt relieved to see the hope return, reaching up to gently wipe the few remaining tears away. Jesse leaned into his hand easily and reached up to hold his wrist, little hands just barely wrapping around it. Gabriel laughed softly and rubbed his thumb lightly across Jesse’s cheek a few times just to see him nuzzle against his touch.

 

It was going to be too fucking hard to say goodbye in a few days.

 

“Oh, Gabriel, I have to head back now. Will you two be okay here?”

 

Ana rested a hand lightly on gabriel’s shoulder and he almost jumped. Truth be told, he nearly forgot she was still here, he had gotten so lost in his moment with Jesse. But he cleared his throat and looked up to Ana with a smile.

 

“Sure, Ana. Thanks for your help.”

 

She nodded and headed back downstairs, leaving Gabriel alone with Jesse again. He slowly stood, wincing as his knees protested after being crouched down for so long, and gently tugged his arm that Jesse was still attached to.

 

“Come on, kid. There are a few more rooms to see.”

 

Jesse kept his hold of Gabriel’s arm and followed him out of the room, looking along the hallway at the other kids who meandered around. The time here wasn’t structured too rigidly, most of the day the kids could do whatever they wanted. There were set meal times, a lights-out time, and a few group activities throughout the day but nothing mandatory. Gabriel saw Jesse was an independent kid so he should fit in just fine here for the few days he’d have to stay.

 

They walked through the rest of the second floor, Gabriel pointing out the movie room, the library that was stocked with donated books, and the art room covered with paintings the kids had made the other day. Jesse finally looked interested in what the midway house had to offer, especially the finger-painting activity. Gabriel wasn’t surprised, the kid seemed like the type to love making a mess.

 

When they got back to the ground floor at the end of the tour, the intimidating doctor was gone and the same receptionist was still at the desk. She smiled and waved at Jesse who quickly ducked behind Gabriel to hide and shot the receptionist an apologetic look.

 

“Jess, you can’t be afraid of everyone. You’ll have to talk to  _ someone _ while you’re here,” Gabriel said, sounding a little exasperated.

 

Jesse peeked out a little and looked at the receptionist who looked quite amused and waved to him again. This time he waved back, earning a pat on his head from Gabriel.

 

“Good boy, you’re already making friends.”

 

The praise made Jesse grin again and nuzzle his face into Gabriel’s side, hugging him tightly. Gabriel looked over at the receptionist with an awkward smile, who still looked amused. She shook her head like it was something she saw all the time, easing Gabriel’s nerves a little. He really hoped Jesse didn’t look overly affectionate but then again, he didn’t know much about kids’ typical behavior.

 

“Gabby, I wanna paint! Come paint with me!”

 

Jesse tugged eagerly on Gabriel’s arm again, trying to pull him towards the stairs. Gabriel followed for a few steps before pausing and looking at the clock on the wall behind the receptionist. It was almost dinner time so the craft room wouldn’t be open until after the meal. He tapped Jesse’s head and pointed to the clock.

 

“Jess, it’s almost time to eat. You can paint after dinner, okay?”

 

As if on cue, an announcement started calling for all the kids to go wash their hands before going to the dining room. The menu was roast chicken and veggies on a bed of seasoned rice. Gabriel had to admit that sounded good, far better than the leftover pizza he had back home. He wondered if he could eat with Jesse, claiming he just wanted to spend time with the kid before he had to leave for the night.

 

The receptionist spoke up, who Gabriel finally realized had a name-tag that read “Mei” in bold blue letters, her voice a little accented and as friendly as her smile.

 

“You can stay for the meal, Detective Reyes. Miss Amari told me the whole situation and the Headmistress gave special permission for you to visit any time you want.”

 

Jesse squealed excitedly when he heard and hugged Gabriel’s arm to his chest. Gabriel nodded in thanks before smiling down at Jesse and ruffling the kid’s hair with his free hand.

 

“Let’s go wash up then. Do you remember where the closest bathroom is?”

 

With a nod Jesse skipped off down the hallway to the right, still holding Gabriel’s arm. At the sink, Jesse had to reach up a little to get to the faucet, turning on warm water and grabbing the bar of soap to start cleaning his hands. Gabriel sidled up behind him and gently took the soap from Jesse, holding his hands over the kids’ much smaller ones and rubbing the soap over both sets. Jesse looked up with a smile as way of saying thanks before rinsing his hands. When they were clean, Gabriel dried both his and Jesse’s hands before walking out towards the dining room.

 

Jesse lead the way again, proud to show off that he was paying attention during the tour and remembered where everything was. Gabriel was impressed as they walked into the dining room, letting Jesse pick where they would sit. They ended up at a table with just a few people, Jesse sitting close on the bench to Gabe, practically pressing into his side.

 

A little girl with brown hair and pink streaks on her face that looked like paint scooted over towards them with a grin, looking eager to make a new friend. Jesse was nervous about it and held onto Gabe’s arm as she smiled at them, holding out her hand in greeting.

 

“Hey, guys! I’m Hana. Are you new here?”

 

Her voice was light and bubbly and she seemed like the kind of person who could get along with anyone. When Jesse didn’t move, Gabriel reached out to gently shake her little hand.

 

“Nice to meet you, Hana. I’m Gabriel and this is Jesse. He is new, this is his first day.”

 

After Gabriel introduced him, Jesse shyly reached his own hand out to shake Hana’s, making her smile grow. She leaned forward across the table and looked intently at Jesse like he was the most interesting thing she had ever seen.

 

“Welcome, Jesse! You’ll love it here, everyone is so nice. My best friend Lucio is still washing his hands cause he was helping clean up the art room so he got paint all over himself. But you’ll love him too! I’ve only been here a month and already I’ve seen a few of the kids who have been here longer get adopted. It shouldn’t take too long for you!”

 

Gabriel appreciated Hana’s optimism and hoped it would last for as long as she was here. She seemed sweet, he didn’t want her to feel like nobody loved her.

 

“I already have a family coming in a few days. Miss Ana called them.”

 

Jesse sounded defensive but his tone didn’t put Hana off in the slightest. She just nodded and gave him a thumbs-up.

 

“That’s awesome! I hope they’re great! Oh, here comes Lu!”

 

Hana was a ball of energy and Gabriel laughed when she stood on the bench and waved excitedly to get her friend’s attention. A few seconds later a kid with dark skin and an entirely green outfit ran over and climbed onto the bench to sit next to Hana, giving Jesse and Gabriel a wide grin.

 

“Who’s this?”

 

The two friends got into excitable conversation about Jesse, who chimed in every now and then. He seemed to be warming up pretty well so Gabriel hoped he would be okay for the evening once he left after dinner. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with Jesse but he also knew that wasn’t the best idea since he would be moving to another state soon and Jesse would go off with his new family. They had to get used to being apart again, as if they had been around each other for years and not just one day.

 

Dinner was delicious and Gabriel was glad he decided to stay. Jesse managed to eat most of his food before he got full and tired, leaning forward to lay his head on the table. Gabriel rubbed Jesse’s back slowly, figuring the kid would crash sooner or later. Jesse actually lasted longer than he expected after how full and, frankly, traumatizing the day had been. He hoped Jesse would sleep well tonight.

 

When visiting hours drew to a close, Jesse was clinging to Gabriel again and begging him not to go. He was near tears and hugging Gabriel’s arm to his chest, saying he was afraid of being on his own. Hana and Lucio watched from the couch a few feet away, looking worried for their new friend.

 

“You won’t be alone, Jess. Hana and Lucio will keep you company until bedtime.”

 

Jesse just shook his head and kept his hold on Gabriel. After another minute of that, Gabriel sighed and kneeled down to wrap Jesse in a tight hug. The kid clung to his shirt instead, head resting on his shoulder as he pressed close. Jesse’s desperation made Gabriel feel bad about leaving but those were the rules and he could always come back to visit the next day.

 

“I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise,” Gabriel reminded him. “We can spend all day painting and doing whatever you want, alright?”

 

The proposition had Jesse calming down and loosening his grip just a little. He leaned back to look at Gabriel, eyes watery and narrowed like he was making sure Gabriel was telling the truth.

 

“Promise?”

 

“Of course, Jess. I promise I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

 

Jesse sighed and nodded, leaning in to kiss Gabriel’s cheek once more before stepping back. Gabriel stood and pat Jesse’s head one more time before walking to the door.

 

“Goodnight, Jess.”

 

“Night, Gabby.”

 

Gabriel drove home alone, the silence feeling weird now. He was used to silence since he lived alone but now it felt too empty, too lonely. He missed Jesse already. Was he really that desperate for company? Or was it something about Jesse? It had to be Jesse. The kid had already made his way into Gabriel’s heart and he had a feeling the kid would be there for a long time.

 

Back home, Gabriel sighed as he closed the door and was enveloped by silence and darkness. He figured he might as well go to bed since he had nothing else to do. Heading to the bathroom to piss and brush his teeth, Gabriel noticed Jesse’s old clothes still on the floor. He figured he could bring those with tomorrow.

 

With his nightly routine taken care of, Gabriel climbed into bed and sighed heavily. All the hugs today had him wishing for something to hold as he fell asleep. Wishing for someone. Wishing for  _ Jesse _ . Oh, he was fucked.

 

By the time Gabriel managed to fall asleep, it was almost 1am. He forgot to turn off his alarm, so his phone woke him up at 5am telling him to get ready for work. With a groan, he reached over and swiped it off, immediately falling back asleep for a few hours. Vague thoughts of Jesse flitted through his head as he dozed off again, and filled his dreams once he was sleeping.

 

Gabriel dreamed of being able to keep Jesse with him, of sharing the bed when Jesse had nightmares, of cooking dinosaur chicken nuggets, or giving him baths. He dreamed of the cheek kisses he got and the clinging hugs. He dreamed of Jesse’s cherry red lips wrapped around the lollipop, wrapped around his-

 

Another alarm went off. Gabriel awoke with a start, sitting up and grabbing for his phone. It was now 7am, the midway home visiting hours would be starting soon. Thinking of Jesse again reminded him of his dreams. They were nice until… He sighed heavily and rubbed his face. If he thought he was fucked before, what was he now? Royally screwed? Maybe just fucked up. Yeah, that was it.

 

A cold shower took Gabriel’s thoughts away from last night and a cup of black coffee helped him focus on the day ahead. He had nothing planned except spending the entire day with Jesse. Was it a good idea? Maybe not but he had nothing else to do with his time. His house was mostly bare, it would barely take a day to pack everything up and he wasn’t leaving for another week. If he stayed here alone, Jesse would occupy his thoughts anyway and he didn’t want to risk a repeat of last night.

 

Around 8am, Gabriel was in his car on his way back to the midway house.

 

The day went just as well as the previous. Jesse was ecstatic to see him and dragged him around to introduce him to all his new friends. Gabriel was relieved to see Jesse getting along so well with all the kids. Hopefully this meant he would get along with his new family too when they came in a couple days.

 

Throughout the day, Gabriel painted and watched movies and read books and made macaroni art and sat on a bench outside while Jesse climbed all over the jungle gym in the home’s backyard. He felt happy, glad to see Jesse could still carry on with his life despite everything that had happened. Jesse seemed to be a resilient kid that could bounce back from damn near anything.

 

The end of the day brought another teary departure and another promise of visiting the next day. Jesse kissed Gabriel’s cheek in parting and his skin tingled the entire drive home. Going through his nightly routine, Gabriel noticed Jesse’s clothes still sitting on the bathroom counter. He swore under his breath and took them to the little table by the door that held his keys so he wouldn’t forget them tomorrow. 

 

In bed, Gabriel fell asleep pretty quickly. Keeping up with a bunch of energetic kids was rough for a man in his late 50s, and he felt drained. His dreams were of Jesse again but they were happy and light, full of recreations of the day’s activities. There was a smile on Gabriel’s face for the entire night.

 

Gabriel was awoken again by his phone but this time it was a call instead of an alarm. He looked blearily at his phone and quickly sat up to answer when he saw “Ana Amari” on the screen.

 

“Ana, what’s up? Is Jesse okay?”

 

Gabriel’s voice was rough with sleep but his concern was evident. Ana’s soft laugh relaxed him a little.

 

“Jesse is just fine, Gabriel. I got a call from the family saying that they can pick him up today rather than tomorrow. I figured you would want to know that. They said they’ll be there in the afternoon so you have a good amount of time to say goodbye. I hope you didn’t get too attached.”

 

Ana’s words finally helped the reality of the situation settle over Gabriel. The little fantasy he had of just visiting Jesse every day wasn’t going to last, and now it was being cut off a day early. He sighed and nodded even though Ana couldn’t see it.

 

“Alright. Thank you.”

 

He hung up without commenting on the last thing Ana said. He got far too attached and she probably knew that. But what about Jesse? Jesse wanted to be around Gabriel as much as Gabriel wanted to be around him. This would be hard news to break to the kid.

 

Gabriel struggled to get dressed and make himself breakfast. He wanted to move quickly so he could get to Jesse sooner before he was taken away, but his limbs and chest felt heavy. He already missed the kid and he still had time to see him. Gabriel made it halfway through his cup of coffee before giving up and checking the time. 7:40am was late enough to head into the city.

 

Driving gave Gabriel something to focus on that wasn’t Jesse so the drive felt like it was over in a heartbeat. Twenty-five minutes later, Gabriel was parking in front of the home and quickly walking up to the front door. As soon as he opened it, Jesse leaped into his arms for a hug. Holding Jesse made him feel like all his worries were miles away and smiled as he squeezed the kid to his chest.

 

Gabriel put off telling Jesse about the family coming until Ana showed up after lunch, giving him a pointed look. He sighed and nodded, turning to Jesse and reaching out to tap his shoulder. Jesse looked up with a smile, always happy to talk to Gabriel. The older man paused and just looked at the kid for a while, trying to memorize how happy he looked.

 

“Jess… your family is coming today, in a few hours.”

 

Jesse’s smile fell and he immediately scooted closer to Gabriel. He was sitting on the floor stacking magnetic blocks with Lucio and Hana but he pushed it all aside and climbed onto the couch to cuddle into Gabriel’s side.

 

“I don’t wanna go…” Jesse whispered.

 

Gabriel wrapped his arm around Jesse’s shoulders to hold him close, feeling exactly the same way. But he couldn’t say so. He had to be the adult here and help Jesse prepare to start a new life.

 

“I know, Jess. But you have to. And they’re nice people, Ana has worked with them before. You’ll fit in with them just fine.”

 

Jesse didn’t say anything in return, just staying pressed close to Gabriel’s side. The two sat like that for a few hours, talking quietly, until the family showed up. The wife was young and beautiful, the husband was young and handsome. They had two other adopted children and were more than happy to take in Jesse as well.

 

They came over to the couch and crouched down so they were at Jesse’s level, greeting him with genuine smiles. They held back to avoid overwhelming Jesse to Gabriel’s relief and only reached out to offer a handshake after talking for a few minutes. As per their typical system, Gabriel shook the parents’ hands first before Jesse felt it was safe to do so too.

 

It took another hour of discussion and convincing for Jesse to detach himself from Gabriel’s side and hold the wife’s hand instead. He kept his eyes on Gabriel, looking like he desperately wanted to hide behind him again, but he stayed well-behaved. 

 

When the parents finished the necessary paperwork and it was time for Jesse to leave with them, he ran back over and hugged Gabriel as tight as he could. Gabriel wrapped his arms securely around Jesse, wanting nothing more than to run off with the kid and never look back. But instead he ended the hug after a minute and kissed Jesse’s forehead before the kid kissed his cheek.

 

“Bye, Jess. I hope you have the best life possible,” Gabriel said, his voice cracking a little.

 

Gabriel handed Jesse a piece of paper with his new address up in Washington state so they could be pen pals like he promised the other day. Jesse held it close to his chest and gave Gabriel a shaky smile.

 

“Bye, Gabby. I love you…” 

 

Jesse whispered the last part before shuffling back towards his new legal parents, taking his new mother’s hand again and disappearing out into the blinding desert sun.

 

_ I love you… _

 

Gabriel had to quickly walk to the nearest bathroom, locking the door behind him and sitting on the tub ledge as he started to cry. Detective Gabriel Reyes with forty years of service didn’t cry easily, but watching Jesse leave broke his heart. He missed the kid already. But all he could do was hope and pray Jesse got along with the parents and the other children, and lead a happy and healthy life.

 

Ana knocked on the door after a few minutes, her voice understanding and kind as she asked if he wanted to go to his favorite bar a few blocks away. He agreed and got up to splash cold water against his face, leaning over the sink and looking at himself in the mirror. How could a kid he had only known for a few days get to him like this? It didn’t really matter why. All that matters was it happened and now Jesse was gone. Gabriel had to move on. Hopefully it would be easier in Washington without any familiar sights.

 

When Gabriel emerged, Ana was waiting there with a sad smile. Neither of them said anything as she looped her arm around his and lead them to the doors. Gabriel would have to leave his car there, he was in no state to drive right now. Ana drove them to the bar and paid for the drinks as Gabriel nursed the pain in his chest. He hoped Jesse would send letters

 

Hours later, when the sun had set and the sky was dark, Ana drove Gabriel back to his house. He wasn’t drunk, just buzzed enough for his mind to be a little fuzzy. His car was in the driveway, probably thanks to some guys from the station. This was his life- a single car in the driveway and only one bedroom occupied with one person in the bed.

 

Ana got Gabriel to bed and set a glass of water on his nightstand, kissing his forehead before taking her leave. Gabriel slept and dreamed of Jesse, both to his heart’s delight and despair. Moving day couldn’t come soon enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**April 2018**

 

Hi, Gabby!

 

Susan helped me write this letter. She thought it was nice that you wanted to talk to me still even though I got a family now. I got my own room here! Susan and John are going to take me to buy new clothes tomorrow. The other two kids are nice, they are both girls. One is 13 and the other is 9. I never had a brother or sister before so it’s weird to have two sisters now but they are nice. I hope your new house is nice. I miss you. I wish you could visit. Susan showed me a map yesterday. You moved really far away. What are you going to do now that you stopped being a cop? I think you should draw! Drawing is my favorite thing to do. I ~~drawed~~ drew you a picture. Are you going to put it on your fridge? I can send more with my next letter if you want! I hope you don’t forget about me.

 

Love, Jesse McCree

  
  


**April 2018**

 

Hi again Gabby!

 

I didn’t want to wait but I hope you got my first letter! I drew a new picture of us! Mary the older sister got me a big box of crayons as a welcome home gift and this is the first thing I drew. I still miss you Gabby. You gave the best hugs. John doesn’t feel the same. My bed is really comfy and Susan got me a cowboy bear! I named him Sheriff Teddy and he keeps me safe at night. I hope you keep my drawings! I want to make one of my teddy so you can see him because he reminds me of you. His fur makes him look mad but he is really soft and cuddly. You were scary when you killed those guys but I felt safe with you.

 

Love, Jesse McCree

  
  


**April 2018**

 

Hello, Jess!

 

I love the pictures you drew, you’re a very talented artist. Tell Susan I appreciate everything she is doing for you. I’m glad you’re settling in well with your new family and home, you deserve to be happy and feel loved. I do have your drawings on my fridge and I look at them every time I go into the kitchen. I could never forget you, Jesse.

 

I would love to see Sheriff Teddy! He sounds very brave for keeping you safe every night, I’m glad he’s keeping an eye on you. I would come visit you if I could but I want you to grow attached to your new family before I think about that. You need to rely on them now instead of me. I miss you too, but we can always talk through letters like this.

 

Your letters make my day when I see them in my mailbox. I love reading about what you’re up to and seeing your artwork. I hope you don’t have bad dreams about that day. I never wanted to scare you but I had to save you somehow. Are you okay, Jesse? Are you happy? Has Miss Ana visited to see how you’re doing?

 

Also, what would you like for your birthday? I remember you saying it’s in June, not long away! I hope you have a wonderful birthday party with your new family.

 

Gabriel Reyes

  
  


**May 2018**

 

Hi Gabby!

 

I never really got birthday gifts before so I don’t know what to ask for. I got crayons and clothes and stuffed animals. Could I get a picture of you? I don’t want to forget what you look like. Oh I had a dream about you last night! I was back with you and I was on your lap in a comfy chair and you were reading to me and there was a fireplace and it was really cozy and nice. It was like that whole day you spent with me when we did all those things at the foster place. I think that was my best sleep so far.

 

I am happy! Miss Ana came a few days ago and she spent the whole day with me. She built blocks with me and brought me a stuffed puppy so now Sheriff Teddy isn’t lonely! I was thinking of naming the puppy after you Gabby! So now I can hug you again. I hope you got someone to hug you for real.

 

Maybe you could be my birthday present and then I can hug you! That would be such a fun day! Come visit me soon Gabby!

 

Love, Jesse McCree

  
  


**May 2018**

 

Dear Jesse,

 

I’ll see what I can do about visiting you in a few months. I would love to celebrate your birthday with you and give you a hug. It sounds like you’re getting quite the collection of stuffed animals already! I sent you one too, a little bear with a robbers mask. Maybe Sheriff Teddy and puppy Gabby can work together to capture him before he steals your crayons! 

 

Has Susan talked to you about starting school next year? I know you’re smart, you could handle it. School is very important for a growing boy like yourself. If she wants, I can send her some recommendations. I’ve worked with a few school systems down there and I would love to help make sure you get into the best school you can.

 

I’m glad you’re having a good time, Jess. You sound so happy and your drawings keep getting better.  I can’t wait to hear from you again.

 

Gabriel Reyes

  
  


**June 2018**

 

Hi Gabby!

 

It’s almost my birthday! Are you able to come visit? I really want to see you again!

 

Susan took me to this really quiet place with a bunch of closed rooms and the one we went into had a big soft couch and the lady who talked to us had a really nice voice. Susan said she is a therapist and helps with head problems. I didn’t think I had any but the lady looked sad when I talked about myself. Then she had me do games with shapes and patterns, and word games that I did not like at all. Then I had to sit in the hallway for a while so they could talk together. Susan came out looking sad too. 

 

I think Susan wants to homeschool me. She said the therapist lady thinks I have developmental issues because of past abuse. I don’t know what that means really but I guess it isn’t good. Susan wants to send you her own letter with more information about it.

 

Oh I love the bear you sent! Sheriff Teddy and Gabby are working hard to keep him out of trouble. Sometimes I wake up and can’t find him but when I go get breakfast, he’s hiding with the cereal! He’s a silly bear.

 

I hope I can see you soon Gabby. I miss you.

 

Love, Jesse McCree

  
  


**June 2018**

 

Hello, Gabriel.

 

I figured you would like to know the results of Jesse’s therapy session and cognitive tests since you two still communicate a fair amount.

 

The therapist thinks Jesse has been pretty severely abused his entire life, both physically and mentally. When I went to give him a bath, I noticed he was covered in bruises. Miss Amari told me the circumstances you found him in and it was extremely alarming. She looked into his name to find out who his parents were and got countless results on their past convictions for drug use, drunk driving, even attempted robbery. I can’t imagine poor little Jesse in that kind of environment.

 

We both think his parents didn’t even bother signing him up for school. He picked up what he knows from interacting with others and the few short stints he had at other foster homes while his parents served a few months at a time in jail. Why they were constantly allowed to get him back after being released is a mystery to me. But they stunted Jesse’s growth mentally, physically, and emotionally. That’s probably why he got so attached to you so quickly, you were a powerful yet gentle person and he craved safety.

 

For now, my husband and I agree that Jesse is best being homeschooled. I can keep an eye on him and help him one-on-one with his studies. He is very polite and well-behaved so keeping him focused shouldn’t be too much of an issue. I just hope he can understand and remember the material.

 

Thank you so much for all you’ve done for Jesse. I can never express the depths of my gratitude. He is such a sweet child, I am so glad he’s out of that terrible environment now. I promise we will do everything we can to give Jesse a full and happy life.

 

Susan Miller

 

P.S. Ana does know about the deaths of the gang members but she’s keeping it under wraps so nobody comes after you with questions. She said it’s all being taken care of so you have nothing to worry about.

  
  


**June 2018**

 

Happy birthday, Jess!

 

I am so sorry I wasn’t able to come visit you but I hope you have a wonderful day. I sent a gift for you though. It’s a cowboy hat and a red scarf you can keep around your neck or use to cover your face. Now you’re the new sheriff in town! I also sent a picture of myself that Miss Ana took a few days ago when she came to visit me. Now you won’t forget me, right?

 

The therapist sounds like a nice lady. Her and Susan are going to help you as best as they can. There is nothing wrong with you, they just want to make sure you keep growing like you’re supposed to. 

 

I miss you too, Jess. But I’ve got a lot to do up here even though I don’t work anymore. You seem to be having a great time with your new family, so focus on them! Be happy where you are with who you have.

 

Gabriel Reyes

 

\---

 

The letters continued back and forth regularly for a year. Gabriel loved seeing Jesse grow and settle into his life and Jesse was always eager to share what was going on. Jesse started seeing a therapist regularly to help him work through repressed trauma and catch him up academically to his grade level. He was working so hard and Gabriel was so proud, but he felt distanced. The kid was moving on with his life and all Gabriel could do was read about it.

 

The letter from Susan was concerning but he trusted the Millers to give Jesse all the support he needed to heal and become a strong, independent person. Just from the three days they spent together, Gabriel got the feeling that Jesse had so much potential and energy that he could do anything he set his mind to, and Gabriel couldn’t wait to see what the kid could accomplish.

 

When Jesse’s thirteenth birthday came around, Gabriel sent him his longest letter yet. He wrote about how proud he was of Jesse growing and becoming the best person he could, how happy he was that Jesse was getting along with his family and making friends at school. Gabriel tried to fit in some pieces of advice without sounding too overbearing or fatherly because he was planning on this being the last letter. He missed Jesse dearly still but the kid had his own life and Gabriel wasn’t really part of it.

 

Jesse responded in kind, thanking Gabriel for the advice and gift before bidding him goodbye. Gabriel was glad Jesse took it so well and hoped he wasn’t too upset. Months went by with Gabriel looking through his mail closely every week to see if Jesse had sent another letter. He had gotten so used to hearing from the kid that it felt weird to not be writing to him anymore. But, just like with dropping him off at the midway home, Gabriel knew this was better for Jesse.

 

Gabriel kept all of Jesse’s letters in a drawer in his desk and sometimes took them out to read or look at the drawings Jesse made. The one Jesse drew of him and Gabriel always made him smile and his heart hurt a little. He still couldn’t figure out why he was so attached to the kid. It was three days but it left such a lasting impression on him.

 

Taking to a myriad of hobbies to keep his mind off Jesse, Gabriel took up gardening as well as he could, his apartment balcony and any flat surface inside soon covered with potted plants. His walls became covered with original photography, and small wooden carvings appeared tucked into the plants like wild animals in the jungle. His hands and his mind were kept busy but Jesse still drifted through his thoughts every now and then.

 

Then one day, three years after Jesse’s last letter, Gabriel got one from him again. Some quick math reminded Gabriel that Jesse was sixteen now. He couldn’t hide his excitement as he stared at the envelope in the elevator, eager to get his to apartment and rip it open. Gabriel skimmed over the letter quickly just to make sure Jesse was okay before something caught his eye. He sat down heavily on his couch, a little shocked as he read over it again.

 

\---

 

**July 2022**

 

Gabby,

 

I know we said our goodbyes but I couldn’t forget about you. Puppy Gabby has seen me through so many rough nights, your picture watches over me, I think about you every day. We were only together for three days but they were the most important days of my life. I instantly felt  like I could trust you and I never wanted to leave your side. I cried in the car ride to my new home after they picked me up from the midway home. Just two minutes away from you and I couldn’t handle it.

 

But last night… I had dreams about you before, of our time together at the midway house, of you adopting me so we could live together, of you coming to visit. It wasn’t unusual to see you in my sleep. But last night was different. You held me, like you often did, but it got intimate. Your kisses trailed from my head to my cheek to my mouth. Then it changed and I was sitting on your lap. We were still kissing and I could feel that we were both… excited. You were so possessive, it felt like your hands were everywhere and I was helpless but I loved it. I felt so safe and loved and when it changed again so I was laying back and you were over me, I knew what was about to happen and I was so ready. It felt so real.

 

My alarm woke me up but I had to finish myself off before getting out of bed. Gabby, I can’t stop thinking about it. That was the best dream I ever had and I miss you even more now. Please visit, please write back. 

 

Yours, Jesse McCree

 

\---

 

Everything about the letter was too much for Gabriel. Jesse wanted what Gabriel absolutely could not give him and he knew he couldn’t respond or he would be far too tempted. The long-forgotten memory of Jesse with the cherry lollipop in Ana’s office flashed across his mind again, making him shudder and lean back in his seat. No, there was no way he could write back or visit. That was a rabbit hole he refused to go down.

 

Gabriel tucked the letter away with the others he saved and went for a walk to clear his mind. He needed a new hobby, something else that required even more focus. Maybe he could take up mini train models, build them up from their hundreds of tiny parts. That would surely keep him busy for a while. That would surely keep his mind off how small Jesse felt in his arms, how soft Jesse’s lips were against his cheek, how sweet Jesse’s voice sounded when he said “I love you” just before leaving.

 

_ Fuck. _

 

It was barely two weeks before Gabriel opened his mailbox to find another letter from Jesse. Rather than read it this time, he threw it out right away and went on with his life. It continued like this for nearly a year before the letters stopped again, much to Gabriel’s relief. He felt a little guilty every time he threw out a letter but he had to be strong. For his sake and for Jesse’s.

 

The reprieve from the letters let Gabriel fall back into his old patterns again. He woke up whenever he wanted, ate breakfast, and either worked on his model trains if the weather wasn’t great or went outside to take some pictures. He knew his city pretty well by then, having walked all around it in search of interesting things to photograph. He even won a few small photography competitions. Gabriel was content with his life, it was simple and he liked it.

 

But despite the peace and steady repetition, there was something nagging at him as the months went on. He sometimes wanted something more, sometimes wanted to share it all with someone, sometimes wanted to go back to giving orders and having people carry them out. He missed the authority he had as a detective.

 

Gabriel thought about it for a few hours as he walked around the city with his camera, capturing still-life images of people holding hands, of mother birds feeding their babies, of how the sun danced with the water in the pond at a nearby park. These were such soft things, he missed the rough existence of living in a desert city. Maybe retirement wasn’t his  _ thing _ . Maybe he should move back and find a job again.

 

Moving back meant seeing Jesse again. Unless he went to another town. Plenty of towns dotted the dusty southwest, he could easily avoid Jesse if he wanted to. Why was he even thinking about the kid? It had been years since they really communicated, and the kid’s letters stopped a while ago too. Maybe he didn’t move as far along as he thought.

 

Gabriel sighed and headed back to his apartment. He needed a strong drink. In the lobby, he went to check his mailbox out of habit and noticed a small envelope. Pulling it out, he saw it was from Jesse.  _ Another one? _ Gabriel shook his head but held onto it. For some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to throw it out like the others. He stared at it in the elevator, glad he was the only one in it.

 

In his apartment, Gabriel paced back and forth restlessly, still looking at the letter. Jesse was an adult now, wasn’t he? Why was he still sending letters? He had a life, he didn’t need the cop that saved him seven years ago who he hadn’t seen since then. Or did he?

 

With that thought, Gabriel’s anxiety spiked. His four decades as a cop didn’t fade in seven years. Maybe Jesse had been trying to contact him, begging for help. Jesse’s life could’ve gone bad, could’ve been put in danger and he wouldn’t even know because he was being selfish and trying to curb his own desires instead of thinking about the other person involved. No, that wouldn’t stand any longer.

 

Gabriel ripped open the envelope and read the letter quickly, tearing up as he read it again, and again, and again. He was right.  _ He was fucking right. _ Jesse’s handwriting was a mess, his words sounded paranoid and confused. Gabriel couldn’t believe what he was reading.

 

\---

 

**September 2024**

 

Gabby,

 

I got into some trouble here. I know you probably haven’t read my letters in years. Who would care about a skinny dumb orphan like me anyway? Nobody, not even you. Or maybe you do? I wish you did.

 

But I got into some trouble. I’ve been working at the club you saved me behind and they usually gave me an advance on my paycheck but there’s a new owner and I’m fucked. I can’t pay this guy back for the last two deals we made and he’s threatening to kill me now. I’m afraid to leave the club. I live here now, Gabby. I’m going through withdrawal and everything hurts and it’s so hard to think.

 

Susan and everyone died in a car crash, my left arm got fucked up. I dance here, I perform for tips, it’s decent pay but it doesn’t last. My apartment it a shit hole but I haven’t even been there in a week. If I leave, I’m gonna die. I need you, Gabby. Please.

 

\---

 

Jesse didn’t even sign the letter. He must’ve been in a rush to write it. Gabriel’s hands were shaking as he packed a suitcase with all the clothes he could fit. He was heading down south as soon as he could. The price of the flight didn’t matter, the seat didn’t matter. He would be back at that club in a matter of hours for Jesse.

 

Gabriel was enraged. Not at Jesse, at the people who threatened to hurt him. This kid had been through so much in his life and it seemed like every good thing that happened to him always ended too soon. He deserved happiness and if Jesse was asking for him, then he would be there. Enough of the “hidden desires” bullshit, that was a coward’s excuse to stay away.

 

The flight felt endlessly long, Gabriel bounced his knee anxiously the entire time. What if this guy finally decided he had waited long enough and went into the club to kill Jesse before he got there? What if he got there just as Jesse was killed? Thoughts along those lines ran through Gabriel’s head endlessly, even when the plane finally landed and he jumped into the first cab he saw to head to the club.

 

Gabriel would keep Jesse safe, he would protect Jesse with his entire being. The kid stole his heart the first day they met and Gabriel was tired of denying that fact. Though the love he had for Jesse had changed over the years, it was still as strong as ever, reignited by Jesse’s plea for help. Nobody would hurt his Jess. Never again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, what's gonna happen? Nothing good, probably.


	3. Chapter 3

The club was much like Gabriel remembered it from seven years ago. A new angry bouncer stood at the door, barely giving Gabriel a glance before opening the door for him. Inside was slightly different, the walls painted a rich red and the chairs and tables looking a little newer, but otherwise Gabriel felt a strong, slightly uncomfortable wave of nostalgia. Jesse was almost sold off here and now he had to save the kid again. He wouldn’t be surprised if Jesse never wanted to return.

 

It was early evening so the club wasn’t too full yet. More people would come as the sun set, sneaking away from their lives to find some semblance of peace as a dancer writhed on their lap. A dancer like Jesse. The thought of Jesse showing off for strangers made Gabriel surprisingly angry. If Jesse was showing off for anyone, it should be for  _ him. _ He’s the one who saved Jesse’s life, he’s the one Jesse begged for help from. Nobody else deserved to see him naked.

 

But none of that mattered. It all flashed through Gabriel’s mind in a matter of seconds before he was scanning the club for Jesse. He wasn’t at the bar, wasn’t on stage. Was he in a private room? Was Gabriel too late and Jesse was already dead? Gabriel was moments away from knocking on all the private rooms to look for Jesse until the kid walked out of one of them accompanied by an older man who seemed to have a hard time remembering the “no touching” rule. To the patron, Jesse probably seemed relaxed and flirty but Gabriel could see the signs of tension and anxiety buried under his playful facade.

 

Gabriel hung back, watching Jesse carefully but not interrupting. He figured he could wait until the other man left before making himself known. Holding himself back was difficult as Gabriel watched Jesse’s discomfort rise when the man leaned in to kiss him. For the sake of his client, Jesse let it happen but wiped his mouth as soon as the man left. 

 

Just as Gabriel was about to step out and greet Jesse, a white spotlight traveled across the kid so Gabriel could get a good look at him. He paused, a little shocked at what he saw. Jesse was  _ beautiful _ . He still looked so young, wide brown eyes and long soft brown hair framing his face. He was still skinny but his cheeks were rounded and the tiny shorts he was wearing showed off a perfect ass. 

 

Still small. Jesse was still small. And  _ so _ vulnerable. Gabriel could see even from a distance in the dark club that Jesse was trying his hardest to keep his distress concealed, hiding his shaking hands by holding them behind his back and smiling through his emotional pain. But Gabriel couldn’t handle staying hidden anymore. He had to let Jesse know he was here, let Jesse know he was safe.

 

Before another patron could approach Jesse, Gabriel walked over and reached out to rest a hand on Jesse’s shoulder who stood quite a few inches shorter than him. Jesse jumped at the surprise contact and turned, looking ready to cuss out whoever touched him until he saw who it was. With an excited cry, Jesse surged forward to squeeze Gabriel in a tight hug, nuzzling his face into the older man’s shoulder.

 

Gabriel chuckled softly as he returned the hug, smiling as he wrapped his arms around Jesse again. He missed it so much, missed holding this kid and feeling Jesse nuzzle into him. He felt needed again, felt important. And all it took was Jesse hugging him.

 

“I got your letter,” Gabriel softly murmured into Jesse’s hair, slowly rubbing his back.

 

Jesse went stiff in Gabriel’s hold, his excitement draining as he leaned back to look up. His expression was distraught, he chewed his lip nervously. He almost looked like he regretted sending the letter and dragging Gabriel into his mess.

 

“I’m sorry about that. You don’t have to help. I don’t want you feeling responsible for me or anything…” Jesse trailed off and looked down again.

 

It took a moment for Gabriel to gather his thoughts. Was Jesse just saying this to relieve some sort of guilt? He thought Jesse wanted him here, wanted his help. The kid was so excited to see him until he brought up the letter. Did he make a mistake by mentioning it? Was it something Jesse was forced to write to bring Gabriel back so the gang could get rid of him? Gabriel had so many questions but the middle of a club was not the place to ask them.

 

“Jess, I have felt responsible for you since I found you seven years ago. No amount of trouble you manage to get yourself into will ever make me feel otherwise. I want to help you, okay? But this isn’t the best place to talk. When are you free to leave?”

 

At the mention of leaving, Jesse took a step away and looked around like he was checking to see if anyone heard what Gabriel said. Gabriel could practically feel Jesse’s anxiety keep steadily climbing just like in his car seven years ago. He didn’t want to make this any harder on the kid than it already was so he closed the distance again and wrapped his arms protectively around Jesse, a hand cradling the back of his head.

 

“I am going to keep you safe, Jesse. I promise. We can go to a hotel and stay there for a while until I take care of whoever has you so concerned about leaving.”

 

Jesse relaxed against Gabriel almost immediately, the old trust they had easily coming back with all the physical contact. He eventually nodded and looked up again, with a much more determined expression.

 

“Alright, let’s go. I’ll tell Olivia that I’m leaving. I’ve been working for over a week straight, I need a break.”

 

Gabriel followed Jesse further into the club, to a private room tucked away in a dark corner. He walked right in without knocking and Gabriel was nervous for a moment about who would be inside until he looked in and saw something entirely unexpected. 

 

The room was small and dimly lit, bare of furniture. There was a ratty pile of blankets in one corner, a pile of clothes in another, and food wrappers scattered all over the floor. Jesse was digging through the pile of clothes as Gabriel looked around, quickly realizing what this room was. It was Jesse’s home. He couldn’t leave the club. And Gabriel had a sneaking suspicion that Jesse’s actual apartment wasn’t in much better shape.

 

Looking between the room and Jesse made Gabriel’s chest ache. He had ignored Jesse for years, leaving the poor kid to fester in conditions like this. He wouldn’t be surprised if Jesse was once again far too skinny, far too jumpy, far too dependent. Gabriel felt responsible for all of this, and he decided immediately that he would do everything in his power to keep Jesse safe and happy.

 

Jesse made a triumphant sound and stood up straight again, holding a piece of red fabric and a large hat that Gabriel couldn’t tell the details of in the dim room. He nodded to Gabriel and headed out again, walking right up to the bar where a woman with dangerously long pink nails and half of her head shaved was serving up drinks almost faster than Gabriel could track.

 

“I’m heading out, Olivia! I’ll be back in a few days,” Jesse called over the music as he leaned against the bar.

 

The woman, Olivia, looked over and raised a partially shaved eyebrow, not missing a beat as she slid three glasses down the countertop to waiting customers.

 

“Are you, McCree? You’re one of my most popular boys, you better not stay gone long.”

 

Her gaze snapped over to Gabriel and she looked him up and down slowly as if assessing him. He stood still and met her eyes when she reached his face, keeping his expression firm but not hostile. Seeming content with what she saw, she looked back to the bar and waved a hand dismissively in Jesse’s direction.

 

“ _ Adios, chico _ .”

 

Gabriel followed Jesse out before leading the kid to his car, Olivia fitting the description Jesse gave of the new management pretty well. She seemed to care more about her business and profits than her employees, acting far too dismissive for Gabriel’s liking. 

 

The car ride to the next city over was quiet, Jesse was anxious and kept his head down like he was trying to keep from being seen by anyone and Gabriel had a lot on his mind. Did he save Jesse or make the situation worse? What would he have to do before Jesse felt safe being outside again?

 

By the time Gabriel pulled into a hotel parking lot, almost an hour had passed with neither of them talking. He had chosen a hotel a little farther from town to lower the risk of Jesse being seen by anyone who knew him and because there wasn’t anyplace nice enough any closer. Gabriel wanted Jesse to have some luxury, some comfort. This hotel was by no means five stars, but it was a far cry better than what the kid was probably used to.

 

Jesse stuck close to Gabriel’s side as they walked into the hotel, his eyes darting around for anyone he found familiar. Gabriel assumed Jesse wouldn’t relax until they were in a room with the door locked behind the so he tried to make checking in quick, asking for whatever room they had that wasn’t on the first floor and could be used for an undetermined length of time. The receptionist probably found the request a bit odd, judging by her expression as she clicked through available rooms, but she found one for them quickly enough.

 

Their room on the fourth floor had a bathroom, a small kitchen area, a television, a couch, and one bed. Gabriel rolled his eyes, figuring it was just typical that there was only one bed, but beggars can’t be choosers. He set the room keys on the kitchen counter and walked over to sit on the couch, motioning to the other end for Jesse to sit.

 

“So, kid. What have I missed? What did you get yourself into?”

 

Gabriel tried to keep from sounding annoyed or accusatory. He didn’t want Jesse to feel bad, he just had no idea how to start the conversation. In the seven years since he met Jesse, his social skills hadn’t improved at all. In fact, they might’ve gotten worse. He had less contact with people since he retired.

 

Jesse, to his credit, didn’t look upset about Gabriel’s tone as he sat down sideways on the couch with his back to the arm and his legs crossed under him. He took his time, looking thoughtful and a little overwhelmed about trying to convey the whole story of his past two years without a family.

 

“Well…” Jesse started slowly. “I guess it all started with the car crash two years ago. John and Mary, the older sister, both died immediately since they were on the side of impact. Jill was in the middle and got roughed up pretty badly. I was on the end, hit my head against the window, mangled metal and glass pieces sprayed into the car. They really messed up Jill and my arm.” 

 

Another pause as Jesse lifted his left arm to show Gabriel the damage. He was shocked he hadn’t noticed it yet, seeing how significantly scarred his arm was. Gabriel’s eyes tracked over the long cross-crossing scars, some still deep red, some looking surgical. How did Jesse even manage to keep this arm?

 

“Susan was like me but I guess she hit her head harder or something. Her and Jill lasted a few days in the hospital before dying. I was recovering from surgery when the doctor told me. Honestly, I was ready to give up then. So that’s why I started writing to you again. I had nobody else to turn to, everyone I knew was dead or gone.

 

“When you didn’t reply, I started losing hope. I was put back into a midway home but not the same one. This one was for older kids and… much worse. The kids were all bitter, all rough. They all knew they weren’t going to get adopted. Some tried to hit at my arm when it was still healing. I don’t have full mobility with it because of them.”

 

Gabriel had to take a deep breath to quell his anger. People just never seemed to stop hurting Jesse no matter where he was. And this continued to be his fault. He should’ve read those letters and saved Jesse, he should’ve been there for the kid. Sixteen years old and an orphan once again, all alone in the world. 

 

“After it healed, people made comments on how the scars made me look tough. I dunno why, it’s not like the story behind them was all that interesting. But some took me into their group. That’s where the, um, drugs started. The staff didn’t give two fucks about us, just made sure we didn’t run off or they’d get fined or some shit for not accounting for every kid. We could do whatever we wanted so we did drugs. I spent most of my time high on  _ something _ after that.

 

“One by one we aged out of the system until it was just me and this girl who I swore was fifteen, but her records said she was a week older than me. She looked like an angel, she had the prettiest chestnut hair and widest golden brown eyes.” Jesse sounded a little wistful as he talked about her and Gabriel had to tamp down his ridiculous jealousy. 

 

“She told me to go to the club when I was released. She’d get me a job there and an apartment a few blocks away so I wouldn’t have to worry about a car. Her connections there must’ve been how she kept the drugs coming in for her and I. Or maybe the other way around, that’s why she had to work there. None of us had money, I got no idea how anyone paid for all that shit.

 

“Little Brigitte got out, leaving me a note to remind me where to go. I counted the minutes ‘til I could see her again. And a week later when I got tossed onto the street, I headed straight there. She was working that night but was on break so she introduced me to Miss Sym. Oh wow, Miss Sym…”

 

Jesse trailed off again with a grin, his eyes a little distant like he was lost in a memory. Gabriel didn’t feel jealous this time, he knew Jesse didn’t feel any sort of attraction towards her. The kid’s tone was different than when he was talking about Brigitte, and it made Gabriel more interested in who Miss Sym was.

 

“Miss Sym was a godsend. She was kind to all the dancers, firm against rude customers, and she had a real knack with unique lighting displays. The club looked pretty good while she owned it. Miss Sym and Brigitte got along so well, it was always so nice to see them interacting. And they got into the strangest conversations about science? Like, I had no idea Brigitte was that smart but I could never keep up with their conversations.

 

“And barely a month after I started working there, Brigitte left. She said Miss Sym offered her a job far away, working for a mechanical engineering firm. Apparently Miss Sym had old contacts and used them to help Brigitte find a better life. I was really happy for her but… damn do I miss her.”

 

A soft sniffle drew Gabriel’s attention out of the fantasy world in his head where he was trying to recreate everything Jesse said. He saw Jesse had a tear slowly trailing down his face and reached out to gently pull the kid onto his lap. Gabriel wrapped his arms tightly around Jesse and rocked slowly side to side as Jesse cried, missing his friend, wishing for a better life. He had so many reasons to cry, Gabriel almost wanted to cry too.

 

It didn’t take Jesse long to calm down, to Gabriel’s surprise, but he stayed quiet for a while. Maybe he didn’t want to talk anymore. Gabriel didn’t mind, what Jesse had said so far was dense and he would be thinking about it for hours trying to unpack it all. The tragedies never seemed to end.

 

“But anyway…” Jesse said softly. “Miss Sym ran a drug ring too. And while she still made us pay, she lowered the prices for us and gave us advances on our pay so we could buy whenever we wanted. She kept an eye on us to make sure we didn’t buy too much and helped us to unused private rooms when we got a little too high. 

 

“It didn’t last, of course. Nothing good ever does with me. A new organization came in one day. A big man with dark skin and a white suit talked to Miss Sym for a while. Olivia stood behind him and looked bored out of her mind. And a tall slender woman who seemed to have weirdly blue skin even when the white spotlights flashed across her filed her nails as she listened. A week later, Miss Sym bid us goodbye and Olivia took over the club.

 

“With the drug prices higher and Olivia not giving me my pay early, I got into trouble pretty quickly. And after a few months of late payments I guess they got tired of me using my body to apologize. Bad business is bad business, no matter how pretty the customer may be.”

 

Jesse ended his story with a shrug. Gabriel knew he left out quite a few details, Jesse was acting too nonchalant about it all. Wasn’t he going through withdrawal? How long had it even been since his last hit of… anything? 

 

Looking closer at Jesse now that the kid was practically sitting in his lap under normal lighting, Gabriel saw how thin Jesse’s fingers were, saw the bags under his eyes, the pale lips and even paler skin. Jesse was shaking in Gabriel’s hold and he wasn’t sure if it was from withdrawal, nerves, or both. 

 

With a sigh, Gabriel leaned back and gently brushed loose strands of hair from Jesse’s face, trying to get the kid to look at him. When Jesse did look over, his eyes were trusting but scared. Jesse knew Gabriel would keep him safe but he still worried about what would happen.

 

“Oh, Jess. What would you do without me?”

 

Gabriel meant it as a rhetorical question, looking over Jesse again with obvious concern. Jesse needed a shower, some food, and a good night’s sleep. Gabriel would have to decide whether to let Jesse sweat out his addiction, slowly wean him off, or… no. He couldn’t keep feeding it. That would only hurt Jesse. But it would also keep him dependent on Gabriel for more than just protection.

 

“Die, probably,” Jesse murmured as he slumped onto Gabriel’s chest, tucking his head under the man’s scruffy chin.

 

There was a moment before Gabriel’s chest rumbled with low laughter, the sound making Jesse smile. Gabriel shook his head before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss to Jesse’s hair, not wanting to push his boundaries. At least, not yet. 

 

“You aren’t wrong, kid.”

 

The two rested like that for a while, basking in each other’s presence. Jesse was relieved to feel safe again and Gabriel loved finally getting to hold Jesse. Neither of them had felt this content in years and they didn’t want the moment to end. But Jesse’s shaking made Gabriel concerned. He had to make sure Jesse wasn’t going to die in his arms or something before he could properly relax.

 

Gabriel sat up straight again and gently nudged Jesse until he sat up and looked over with bleary eyes like he had almost fallen asleep. Either that or he was just weak after talking so much and needed to rest. How the kid worked for so long while going through withdrawal was beyond him.

 

“Jess, you need some food. I don’t want you passing out on me because you’re feeling too weak.”

 

Jesse mumbled something about wanting a hit, but what of, Gabriel had no idea. Instead of answering, he picked up the little menu by the bed and dialed down to the reception desk to order room service. He didn’t want to take Jesse out in this state or leave him alone so ordering food was the best option.

 

The phone call didn't last long and ended with the receptionist telling Gabriel that his order would be up in about twenty minutes. With one issue handled, he looked over to Jesse again and shook his head. He couldn't figure why anyone would keep requesting private sessions from such a skinny kid who looked like he hadn't showered in about a week. But… maybe he could. Even with stringy hair and oily skin, Jesse was still beautiful.

 

“You should shower before the food gets here,” Gabriel said as gently as he could. “Do you need help standing?”

 

Judging from how weak Jesse looked now, Gabriel wasn't sure how long he could stay standing. And Jesse's nod confirmed his thoughts. So the two walked to the bathroom with Gabriel close behind Jesse in case the kid collapsed.

 

Thankfully the hotel supplied soaps and towels and two robes. Jesse didn't hesitate to strip all his clothes off before stepping into the shower, revealing a body that looked the same as seven years ago, just longer. He was still skinny, still pale, still bruised. There were more scars, deeper bruises, scratches and marks littered everywhere. Jesse moved stiffly as he turned the water on and stepped into the shower, sighing as the hot spray washed over him.

 

When Gabriel was finally able to snap his attention away from Jesse's body, he undressed too and stepped in behind Jesse. He told himself the shower would be strictly to get Jesse clean so he could eat then go to sleep. No trying anything, no getting lost in his skin, no trying to make constellations across his shoulders out of all the freckles.

 

Gabriel sighed as he reached for a bottle of shampoo, the small thing almost slipping out of his hands before he managed to open it and squeeze some out. He used almost half the bottle to lather up Jesse’s hair and gently work his fingers against Jesse’s scalp like a head massage, rubbing until Jesse started to make content little sounds. The sounds were dangerous territory for Gabriel, so he gently nudged Jesse under the water to rinse his hair before reaching for the body wash.

 

Washing Jesse down was even more dangerous than cleaning his hair since there was no sponge. Gabriel had to run his hands over Jesse’s body, slick with soap and water, and the kid just stood there passively. He looked like he was about to pass out every time Gabriel glanced at his face which was just the incentive Gabriel needed to keep his hands from lingering or wandering where they shouldn’t. There was time to explore Jesse’s body another day, not tonight.

 

By the time Gabriel had washed and rinsed Jesse down fully, over fifteen minutes had passed. He turned the water off and hopped out to grab a towel, quickly drying himself off before focusing on Jesse and more gently rubbing the towel over him. Jesse winced a few times as the towel brushed over bruises or scratches and Gabriel felt so bad about it. He didn’t want to cause Jesse any more pain like that.

 

Thankfully the robe was soft and light so draping it over Jesse’s skinny frame didn’t hurt him. Gabriel pulled the other robe on himself, which ended up being a bit too small for him, but he didn’t mind so much. All his attention was on Jesse, who he guided back to the main room and helped lay down on the bed under the blankets.

 

As soon as Jesse was tucked in, there was a knock on the door and an announcement that room service had arrived with the food Gabriel ordered. He answered the door, only opening it enough to thank the staff person and pull in the food cart before quickly closing it again. There wasn’t anything wrong about Jesse and Gabriel being in the same room like they were, Jesse was an adult and Gabriel was trying to keep him safe. But he still felt  _ odd _ about it all.

 

Gabriel shook the nervous thoughts and feelings away as he sat on the bed next to Jesse and held out a plate of salad. He had richer foods and even a dessert on the cart but he figured it was safest to start Jesse off with something light and healthy in case the kid fell asleep before he was able to eat much. To his relief, Jesse sat up in bed and opened his mouth like he expected to be fed, making Gabriel laugh and gently fork a few leafs into Jesse’s mouth.

 

Together the two worked through the plate of salad like that, Gabriel slowly feeding lettuce, sliced vegetables, and croutons to Jesse until it was all gone and the kid had some slight color to his cheeks. The empty plate helped Gabriel relax a little since he knew Jesse was full of good food but he still wanted Jesse to eat more. The kid was too skinny and, if he ate anything at all recently, none of it was healthy.

 

But Jesse screwed up his face and turned his head away like a pouty child when Gabriel tried to get him to eat more, even at the offer of cheesecake. He tried to wiggle back down to lay under the blankets but Gabriel kept a firm hold on the blankets and gave Jesse a stern look. To his surprise, Jesse actually stopped wiggling at Gabriel’s look and bowed his head demurely.

 

“Sorry, Gabby. I don’t wanna eat any more, though,” Jesse said with a soft voice. He almost sounded pleading.

 

“Alright, Jess. Thank you for finishing the salad at least.” 

 

Gabriel smiled at Jesse before packing away the leftover food in the refrigerator to eat whenever Jesse was hungry again. With everything cleaned up, Gabriel laid in bed next to Jesse on top of the blankets, being careful to keep a barrier between them since the robes didn’t offer much of one. Jesse had almost dozed off by the time Gabriel settled into place but he was awake enough to scoot closer, practically cuddled up with his head resting on the older man’s chest.

 

It felt safe enough to cuddle like that, with the robes on and blankets still between them. So Gabriel wrapped his arm around Jesse’s shoulders to hold him close, staring up at the dark ceiling as Jesse’s breathing leveled out telling him the young man fell asleep. Gabriel wasn’t able to fall asleep for a while, his mind racing with the story Jesse told him and all the options ahead of him now.

 

It has been seven years since they last saw each other and Gabriel couldn’t decide if a lot had changed or not. Jesse was just as skinny, just as lost, just as dependent. But he was also an adult now, a drug addict, a club worker, and his life was being threatened. He supposed it was still much the same as when they met - Gabriel still had to protect Jesse and he was still more than happy to do so.

 

When Jesse had more energy, Gabriel knew he would have to ask about the people who were out for his life and plan from there how to best keep Jesse safe. He wondered if he would have to kill them. That wasn’t the ideal way to handle the situation but he wasn’t completely against the tactic, especially if it would prove that Jesse wasn’t someone they could mess with anymore. Hell, if Gabriel had to, he would make it so Jesse could walk around alone at night and not be touched.

 

Gabriel decided then and there he would do anything to keep Jesse safe, no limits. Jesse wasn’t just his responsibility, Jesse was  _ his _ . Of course, he wouldn’t quite say that yet because he didn’t want to scare Jesse away. No, he would keep up what he already started - feeding him, cleaning him, tucking him into bed. He would prove that he could take perfect care of Jesse, earn his trust and devotion. Gabriel could keep him safe, healthy, and happy. Nobody else could.

 

Maybe Gabriel would look into drugs for Jesse too. The kid clearly had an addiction, probably to more than one substance, and part of keeping Jesse safe and healthy was deciding whether or not he would let this addiction continue or try to slowly wean Jesse off until he was clean. The decision should’ve been easy, but Gabriel was also caught in a moral dilemma here. If he kept Jesse addicted, he could become the new supplier to keep Jesse out of trouble and more dependent on him. 

 

Dealing with Jesse would be a delicate process but Gabriel was sure he could handle it. Jesse was so fragile and so highly suggestible, all he had to do was mention something or give Jesse a firm look and the kid became pliant. It should’ve been alarming, but Gabriel enjoyed it too much. Jesse was partially trained already, all he had to do was wrap up the training and make sure Jesse only responded to him.

 

With his resolve made, Gabriel eventually drifted off still holding Jesse close. If he could have his way, Jesse would never be out of arm’s reach ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all a little fucked up, huh?

**Author's Note:**

> If this seems familiar, it was posted before. I took it down for a while but now decided that I don't actually care if people hate it. Just close the tab and move on.


End file.
